


Haematic

by 217



Series: Stigmatic [6]
Category: The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Background Negan (Walking Dead), Blood and Violence, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Negan's filthy mouth, Oral Sex, Parent Negan (Walking Dead), Protective Negan (Walking Dead), Rough Sex, Slow Burn, comic negan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-10-29 05:12:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10847163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/217/pseuds/217
Summary: Negan is in way over his head, and the outbreak hasn't even started as he faces something more difficult than losing Lucille...





	1. Chapter 1

  **A/N I got this idea for a short fic. It features Alice and Charli from my fanfic Stigmatic. If you haven't read that you won't be lost, but you can find it on my profile. This is from Negan's POV. It's completely AU and takes place before the outbreak. I have all the characters on my profile if you want to see what they look like.**

* * *

Some days, I just stare down at my toolbox wondering how things got this fucked. After I lost Lucille to cancer, nothing was ever the same. I work these shit long hours rebuilding and fixing bikes with nothing to show for it. I'm just some corpse drifting through life.

"Time," my boss shouts, pulling me from my self-loathing.

At least at the shop, I'm good at what I do. I don't feel like every decision I make is the wrong one. My ride home is the only time I feel like I have to myself. For those eight minutes, I'm entirely at ease. Home is a motel on the outskirts of town. The place is falling to fuck, but there's not a lot of options here. I'm exhausted, but it's nothing in comparison to what I'm about to walk into.

"Finally," Debbie huffs, scooping up her coat. She's already at my feet waiting for her money before I can even get in the fucking door. "She's got like… math homework or some shit."

"The fuck do I pay you for?"

Debbie smacks the wad of gum in her wide open trap before swiping her cash and hurrying out.

Please, god, just cut me a break tonight of all nights. "You learn anything today?"

"That Debbie is getting her utters pierced, and it's like so totally cool," Lulu mocks Debbie's valley girl tone.

I don't know what I really expect in a babysitter that I pay six bucks an hour to. "I meant at school." How fucking pathetic, I can't even talk to my own child.

"I'm hungry, Negan."

"I told you not to call me that. Can't you at least try to call me dad?"

"Not going to happen, Negan."

I'm in way over my fucking head. I promised Lucille I'd take care of Lulu but every day is fucking worse than the day before it. Christ, the kid would probably be better off with the utter queen. "Grab your coat and let's go."

"May I take Crusty with us?"

Christ alive, don't get me started on Crusty. It's a fucking lobster Lulu refused to eat from the lobster tank and cried until I took the goddamn thing home from the restaurant with us. "We've been over this. You can't take Crusty from the water or he'll die."

"Whatever, let's get this god forsaken nightmare over with."

At least that feeling is mutual. Lulu has a fit every time we have to take my motorcycle anywhere. I'm not in the mood to wait for the goddamn bus and yell at her to get on the bike. This evening is starting off fan-fuck-fucking-tastic.

...

Lulu lets out the most disapproving sigh.

"What now?"

"There's a new waitress. She's not going to know how to fix my food."

"I think she can figure it out."

"You say that now," Lulu mumbles.

I'm not sure at what point waitresses started introducing themselves before asking what your order is, but I find it fucking annoying. Like I give a goddamn what their name is. Just bring me something edible and the ketchup.

Lulu, however, is the pickiest person I have ever seen. All her food has to be the same size. The same shape. The same consistency. Nothing can touch, and she refuses to eat off of plates. It has to be in a styrofoam container. That way it's not contaminated by other people's germs as she puts it. Where my child picked up that idiosyncrasy is beyond me. I've pulled a nail clipping from my burger before and kept going. "I want butter noodles. No parsley. In a to-go box, please. Chocolate milk in the carton. Do not bring me a cup with filthy water spots on them."

Why this waitress can't close her mouth and just do what my daughter asks fuels my frustration this evening, and now I'm stuck with the task of explaining those idiosyncrasies to the waitress. "Oh, you poor, dear."

I roll my fucking eyes so hard. Just get us our goddamn food.

"I told you she wouldn't know how to fix my food."

"Color the goddamn menu, please."

"There's only three crayons." Lulu also has this fear of odd numbers.

I drag myself from the booth to find her more crayons before we have a meltdown.

"Good color choices."

Did she just… compliment me? I better not question it. Sometimes I feel really guilty about shoving all these things in front of Lulu so I'm not stuck talking to her. I hate small talk. It's always made me awkward and uncomfortable. I debated getting her one of those hand phones that everyone seems to have nowadays. Even as I look around the restaurant, several people have their noses stuck so far in them they're completely oblivious to what's going on around them. My eyes shift over to this anal fuck in the booth next to me when I hear something that catches me off guard.

"Excuse me, this is not what I order."

The waitress looks at the girl confused.

"I specifically asked for the potatoes to be on the side. Not slopped on my plate like it's going down an assembly line, and there's gravy on them. I dislike gravy touching my potatoes which is why I said no gravy."

"Yeah," a redhead in the booth with her starts, "there a fucking earthquake back there or some shit? Make it fucking nice!"

I actually chuckle at the comment.

"Charline," the anal fuck snaps under her breath embarrassed by the redhead's forwardness.

Jesus fuck, why do I have the feeling I'm getting a glimpse at my future with Lulu? I rub my brow in annoyance.

"Here we are," our waitress says.

Finally. Now to choke this shit down and hopefully get five solid hours of sleep before I start this fuckshow over again tomorrow.

"I need plastic silverware," Lulu asks her.

"Oh, I'm sorry, dear, but we're out." She gives Lulu a rolled up napkin with metal silverware tucked inside.

There's no hiding the disgust on Lulu's face. "See? And you thought I was crazy for telling you to bring my own." She extends her small hand out to me.

"Uh," I stammer with a mouth full.

"You forgot my silverware?"

"Just use the silverware here."

"You must be joking. Do you know what types of diseases you can catch?"

"No, but I'm sure you're about to tell me."

"Escherichia coli, Listeria innocua, and norovirus. No thank you, I'd rather starve."

I just stare back at Lulu with my mouth open like a fish. The fuck? This child can't be mine.

"Here," the anal fuck beside us offers, handing Lulu a packaged plastic fork and knife.

Lulu's face lights up. "Thank you!"

I haven't seen that expression in months. All over some plastic fuckery? I give Lulu a second look over, enjoying the smile on her face. It chokes me up a bit and I have to end up looking away. I don't remember the last time either of us smiled. Though her smile has long faded after dinner because I can't get my motorcycle to start up.

"Negan, I'm cold."

"Just give me a fucking minute to think." Goddammit, the tool I need is at home.

"Do you require any assistance?"

I look up at the anal fuck from dinner next to my bike. "My bike won't start."

"The child rides on this thing with you?"

"Not by choice," Lulu mumbles, folding her arms.

Where the fuck does she get off questioning me? Look, I know a motorcycle isn't the best place to put my kid, but not all of us can afford a brand new fucking Cadillac. Hoity toity bitch. "Hey, where are you going?"

Lulu is already climbing in the back of this anal fuck's car. "Alice said she'd take us home."

I don't really have a fucking choice at this point. There are some books and papers lying in the seat from Johns Hopkins University. It looks like this Alice girl is going to school to be a surgeon.

Lulu and Alice both sigh when I set the stuff on the floor.

"Do you have a better place I could put it?"

"Give it to me," Lulu says annoyed.

Jesus Christ, I think I'll walk.

Alice refuses to go until I put my seatbelt on.

"He's a grown man, Alice," Charline tells her.

"When you ride in my car, you will wear a safety restraint. That goes for you as well."

"Hands at ten and two," Charline mocks, putting on her seatbelt.

I start to snicker at Charline.

Lulu gives me a glare. "We'll see how funny safety is when you're a vegetable."

And this is my life.

...

I don't know if Alice felt sorry for us or for Lulu, but she offers to stay with Lulu while Charline drives me back to fix my bike. It's an easy fix, but it takes twice as long because I've got Charline looking over my shoulder asking questions about everything I'm doing. Guess I really didn't mind it if we're being honest. It felt good to teach someone something, and them actually give a shit. Everything I do in Lulu's eyes is wrong. Shit, that reminds me… I still have to help Lulu with that math fuckery.

"You know, you're in really good shape for a dad."

I knew things were going too smoothly. "Please stop that. You're like seventeen, Charline."

"Whatever, bitch, I'm nineteen. Suit yourself. And my name is Charli. Only Alice calls me Charline because she's a proper anal fuck."

I bellow out a laugh. Truthfully, I haven't even thought about women like that in years, which is how I know I haven't been myself. Let's just say as much as I loved Lucille, I wasn't the most faithful during our time together. Another thing I loathe about myself.

"Damn, she's loud." Charli runs her hand down the handlebars in a rather suggestive way.

"Yeah," I smirk.

"Maybe you can take me for a ride one time? Take that any way you want."

You know how in movies you'll see a devil and angel pop up on the characters shoulders? On mine, it was a devil on each side. Though they fade when Charli gets into Alice's car.

...

My eyes narrow to slits once I walk inside my motel room. Now, we hadn't been gone that long, but in that amount of time Alice had already helped Lulu with her homework, done my dishes, and was now in the bathroom supervising how Lulu brushed her teeth. I'd rather a knee to the dick than fight with Lulu on her brushing her teeth.

Alice grunts disgusted at my bathtub.

All the motor oil seeps into every crack and nook. There's also a nice size ring around it. I think if I didn't show up, the anal fuck might have cleaned that, too. "Thank you for your help, Alice."

"Very well. If you no longer require my assistance, I'll be leaving for the night."

What a strange broad. There's this awkward exchange as we both try and leave the bathroom at the same time.

Alice flushes before leaving for the night.

I squint, looking out the peephole as I watch her to her car. She has the nicest legs I have ever seen on a woman. Too bad she's not the sister wanting me to take her for a ride.

* * *

I've walked into some shit in my day, but never my child with her nose against the glass of the TV watching a gory horror flick. "What are you watching?!"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Debbie, what the fuck?"

"Sorry, Mr. N." She doesn't even look up from that handheld phone, her hand turned over so I can pay her.

I've got to find another fucking babysitter. I slam the door behind Debbie before stabbing the button on the TV.

"I was watching that, Negan!"

"Hey, smart mouth, you better watch the way you fucking talk to me!"

"You're an idiot," she murmurs, picking herself up and going over to Crusty. Her small finger taps on the glass as she sighs. "We're both trapped," she whispers.

I don't know at what point shit went this fucking far south, but every day is a constant struggle wondering why I'm raising a child that loathes me. She's only eight and she has this much animosity towards me. Lucille would know what to do. She'd make everything better. I know I promised her I'd take care of Lulu, but what if I'm not the best choice? Some days raising Lulu is harder than losing Lucille.

Lulu looks over her shoulder when the TV is turned back on. "Now that I missed the good part." She trots back over and sits in her little plastic chair.

"You actually like this shit?"

"Why would I watch shit?"

"Watch your mouth." I don't have to see it to know she's rolling her eyes, but her mouth and her eye rolling are the least of my problems right now. What eight year old watches Hellraiser? I really am a terrible parent because I encourage it by watching it with her.

"I like him," she giggles. She mimics the show by chattering her teeth like the character in the movie.

"You're not going to have nightmares from this, are you?"

"It'd be no worse than the ones I have now."

"What do you, uh, have nightmares about now?"

"Mom."

"Yeah," I frown. "I do, too, kiddo." My eyes drift off to the side as I become lost in thought. I think the only reason I snap out of it is because the TV turns off.

"Are you hungry?"

"Starving. Bring your homework. We'll try to finish it there." I can't shove crayons in her face another night this week. I'm starting to feel guilty about it. We take the bus to dinner tonight so we don't have another fit like yesterday.

"Hi, Alice," Lulu smiles, helping herself up in the booth beside her.

Hmm, what are the odds of this?

"You gonna just stand there," Charli laughs at me.

This is… a little awkward, but I have a seat next to the redhead. Charli does enough talking for all three of us, and I'm not even sure what the fuck she's rambling on about in the first place. At least she's not looking for any type of response from me. I notice that Lulu and Alice are oddly similar. Similar in ways that used to make me question if something was wrong with Lulu. Alice puts that fear of mine at ease. Here is a girl that has her shit together, going to school to be some kind of surgeon, yet lives with these little tics like Lulu has. It gives me hope. Lulu really seems to be taken with Alice, which is a good thing because Christ knows I'm not any kind of role model.

"Wanna play pool, bigfoot?"

I haven't played pool in forever. "Alright, Red, you're on." Charli was actually pretty decent at pool, which made the game enjoyable.

"So, you're a mechanic? You think maybe you could help me with my bike?"

"You ride?"

"I mean… kinda. I have this stupid dirt bike I can't get to work."

My eyes shift over to Alice helping Lulu with her homework. I've never seen Lulu that attentive. "Yeah, bring it by one Sunday." Maybe in exchange for the work on Charli's bike, I can have Alice tutor Lulu. I know Lulu has the potential to make better grades than she does. Let's face it, I'm not sending the kid to college on what I make at the shop.

"Your go," Charli says again.

"Sorry," I smirk, taking my shot. Tonight was actually relaxing. Lulu didn't fight me once. It felt like before Lucille passed. Back when I actually used to live life, instead of just trying to survive it.

...

I help Lulu from her coat once we get home. "You were pretty chatty with Alice tonight."

"I like her. She brushed my hair for me and gave me some of her perfume." Lulu lifts her arm up.

I inhale a spot by her wrist. "Wow." It smells incredible. "So, I was thinking… maybe Alice could help you with your school work a little more often?"

"Okay," Lulu smiles, smelling her wrist again. "I'm going to get ready for bed."

My eyebrows knit in confusion. Get ready for bed? My Lulu getting ready for bed on her own? Without a tantrum? I don't know what this Alice girl said to my kid, but I'm goddamn grateful for it.

* * *

I squint at the sun shining in the window before I snap my eyes open. "Shit, fuck! We're late! Wake up," I scream, tripping out of bed.

"Way to go! I told you that stupid alarm clock needed batteries!"

Fuck, it's so late once I figure out the time that Lulu has missed her bus to school which is only going to put me behind. I should have been at the shop an hour ago. "Lulu, you have to come on." If I'm late with her any more, I'm going to get my ass chewed by that principal. I thought those days were over. "What are you doing?!"

"I'm brushing my hair nice like Alice showed me."

"Brush it when you get to school, come on!" She's not budging from in front of that goddamn mirror so I pick her up, swiping some shit from the fridge and throwing it into a brown bag for her lunch. Backpack. Keys. Wallet.

"I'm not getting on that thing."

"Tough tits, we don't really have a choice."

"Negan, I don't want to!"

"Get on the bike!"

"I hate you," she cries.

"Yeah, change the goddamn record." As if I don't feel like a big enough piece of shit for yelling at her, Lulu cries the entire way to her school. I hand her off to her teacher as well as Lulu's lunch. "Sorry, we overslept." Her teacher despises me. I always feel like she's ready to call CPS on me.

...

I already know how tonight is going to go before I even get in the door. If any nights Lulu could cut me a break, tonight needs to be that night. I'm a very observant person and the one thing I notice before I even get in the door is Debbie's car isn't in the parking lot. I frantically fumble for my keys and get the door open. "Lulu," I shout, my eyes skimming the empty motel room. Oh, Jesus Christ, where is she?! I fling open the bathroom door but that's empty, too. Everything is exactly how it was left this morning which means she never came home. What have I done? Who loses their child?! What if she's hurt, or even worse… "Lulu!"

* * *

**A/N I'll have another update shortly. Reviews are always appreciated! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

I sit slumped on my bed with my hands against my face as I try to keep it together while talking to the two officers. "She's e– eight. Four foot two. Blue eyes. A brunette. Bangs and her hair is down to her butt."

"Does she have any family she could be with?" 

I shake my head no. I'm exhausted from the laundry list of questions and offended by the ones that imply I'm the reason she ran away. Though when I dwell on it, I am the reason she's run away. I show the officers out, then walk over to Crusty's tank. "I worry more than anything for her safety because we're not in a good part of town. Christ… she doesn't even have her silverware! I don't even know where to start looking for her." The officers told me to stay here in case Lulu comes back, but I feel helpless with my thumb up my ass. "What the fuck do I do?"

Crusty stares back at me with his beady eyes.

"I'm talking to a goddamn lobster." This is all my fucking fault. All because-

There's a soft knock at the door. It starts to open before I make it to it. In steps Alice with Lulu asleep in her arms.

I pull Lulu against me practically taking Alice with her. "Thank fuck!"

"She snuck on the train to my University."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I don't do joking."

"That's not what I… meant. Forget it. Thank you, Alice."

"I apologize for the sudden departure but I must. I have finals this week and this has put me at an extreme disadvantage."

I'd normally think what a bitch, but I get it. Alice doesn't need this kind of fuckery in her life, especially if she's studying to be a surgeon. I'm surprised she even has time for dinner.

Alice looks as if she wants to say something but she leaves.

I kinda wished she would have stayed. For wanting Lulu back as bad as I did, there's a part of me that fears being alone with her. Now that she's back safe in my arms, I'm rather pissed off. I'm angry about all these emotions I haven't felt since losing Lucille. Yelling at her for disappearing isn't going to help.

Lulu starts to wake up as I lay her down in her bed. "You stink."

"Been a little preoccupied."

"I can do it," she snaps when I try and cover her up.

"Goodnight. I love you."

She rolls over so she faces away from me.

Maybe that teacher calling CPS on me wouldn't be the worst thing. I don't see things ever getting better between the two of us.

* * *

Over the next week, I find myself really hoping to see Alice at the restaurant. I don't know if it's because she was busy with finals or if she was trying to keep her distance. Lulu hasn't said a single word to me since she's been back, not that I really try to make an effort to talk. It isn't until the following week that she speaks to me.

"I don't understand any of this." She shoves her homework off the table onto the floor.

Both of our eyes move up to Alice when a disgusted grunt escapes her lips. "You shouldn't treat books this way."

"Alice," Lulu smiles excited to see her.

That makes two of us.

"Sorry about the books," Lulu blushes.

"Do you, uh." I rub the back of my neck. "Wanna have a seat?"

"Very well." Alice sets Lulu's book on the table having a seat beside her.

I didn't mean by Lulu, I meant by me. What-fucking-ever. I'm sure she'd have a goddamn aneurysm from being close to my filthy hands anyhow.

"Are y'all ready to order?"

I'm so fucking exhausted by the time Alice is done ordering that all I can do is point at some picture on the menu. Jesus, I thought Lulu was picky.

Lulu orders the same thing as Alice, then proceeds to move her hair over her right shoulder like Alice's is. The look on both their faces is extremely similar. As if they're both in agony having to be here in the first place.

"So, um. Is Charli coming?" Since when am I the one who does the talking?

"Move over, ball-bag," Charli huffs, not even waiting for me to before she plops down.

"Charline," Alice snaps.

"Did you order?"

"Yes. You're late."

"Can you come take my order," Charli shouts at the waitress.

Alice rubs her brow in annoyance. "You're embarrassing yourself."

I snicker at Alice because I find it funny the way that Charli pushes her buttons. It's almost hard to believe they're related to each other.

"What's your weird ass name again?"

My eyes shift down to Charli. "Negan and Charline isn't any better."

"I'm named after Charlie McCarthy."

"You're named after a dummy," I laugh.

Lulu kicks my shin.

"Fucking Christ!"

"Don't be rude," Lulu snarls.

"Chill out, little Lu. Shit like that doesn't bother me. I mean, look at who it's coming from?" Charli swipes my drink and helps herself.

Now I'm starting to see why Alice is always annoyed. Thank god they bring our food when they do, only it doesn't deter Charli from talking while shoveling food in. "You about done with the ketchup?"

"Why? You gonna use it?" Charli makes faces while squirting the ketchup on her plate. "Almost done," she grunts.

"Give me that goddamn thing. Is she always this insufferable?"

" **Unfailingly**."

Alice and Charli are a fucking mess, but at least it made Lulu laugh and, if we're being honest, me too. No matter how aggravated I try to act.

...

"What's that piece of paper?"

Lulu is carrying it like it's going to break. "Alice's phone number. She said next time I should call instead of showing up at her University because it's the accordion thing to do."

"Accordion? You mean cordial?"

Lulu sighs heavily. "I don't know what either of them mean to be honest. I just didn't want to seem dumb in front of her."

"Cordial. It means the respectful thing to do would be to call her. You really like Alice, huh?"

"Alice doesn't make me feel so bad about myself."

"Why do you feel bad about yourself?"

"Everyone always makes fun of me at school, and you always look at me like I'm crazy for all my tics. No one understands how it is for me."

"I'm sorry, Lulu. I don't mean to make you feel bad. It's just frustrating for me because I don't know how to help you. You're right, I don't understand it. Still, that's not your fault."

"Did you get teased in school?"

"No."

"Sometimes the janitor leaves her supply closet unlocked. I like those days because I can eat in there and no one laughs at me."

"You never told me that."

"It doesn't matter. Goodnight, Negan."

I've long waited for the day that Lulu and I can have some type of civil conversation, but I didn't expect it to be something like this. I wanna know what little fucker is picking on my daughter, goddammit. I'll break their fucking neck.

* * *

I feel like absolute fuck, nor did I sleep worth a damn. At first, I think it's because I'm still upset about Lulu except my stomach is really fucked up.

"You look pale."

"Come on, you're going to miss your bus."

"Well," Lulu pauses. "Are you… alright?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

"Lulu!" While I appreciate her concern, which is rare to have for me, I'm getting rather fucking irritated.

"Fine."

As I give her her lunch sack, my stomach becomes upset again. Thinking about her crying in some dark closet because people are fucking assholes. My stomach gurgles. Ugh, not again.

...

Sometimes I get lost in my work. Dreaming about how maybe one day I'll be this badass king dick motherfucker. But the truth is, I'm not. My days are filled taking it up the ass from customers, math homework, and cleaning a lobster tank. Even worse, I've been pissing blood all day, and that is if I manage to piss. What the fuck is going on? I leave the shop early because my symptoms are getting worse.

"It's not seven," Lulu says confused.

"Debbie, out." I hand her a wad of cash which I'm sure I'm going to regret not counting later before crashing into my bed.

Lulu's small hand touches my cheek. "I don't like this."

"Stop." As the night progresses, so does my misery.

"What are your symptoms," Lulu interrogates me.

I play along in hopes that she'll leave me alone, but now she's trying to take my temperature. "Lulu, please go watch Hellraiser."

"I'm calling Alice."

"No, now do what I tell you."

"I don't like your symptoms."

I'm finally left the fuck alone so I can get some rest. It doesn't last long before I'm poked with the thermometer again. "Lulu, I told you to-" Am I hallucinating? "What are you doing here?"

"You don't have a fever, but that's not necessarily a good thing," Alice informs me.

"Lulu, what did I tell you about calling Alice?"

"It was Crusty's idea!"

"Bullshit. Now Alice is busy. She doesn't have time for this fuckery."

"I believe it to be wise to see a doctor. Your symptoms are concerning."

Now I've got not one, but two impassive fucks busting my balls? If I had any sense, I would have gone to the doctor. Not the two hours that followed it until I decided to go to shut these two up. It turns out, I have a very serious strain of E. coli. "E. coli?"

Lulu gasps. "Escherichia coli."

Oh for fuck's sake.

"You're lucky to be alive," Lulu tells me, touching my IV.

"Don't be so goddamn dramatic." I shoo her hand away.

"She's right. You are very lucky to be alive considering how dehydrated you are," the doctor corrects me.

"Told you, and I bet it was from that silverware you used at the restaurant."

I'd argue with Lulu if I wasn't so confused at the fact she's crawling up into bed with me. Even more so when she tucks herself away at my side to get some sleep. It chokes me up because she never shows any type of affection towards me. Not that this is affection, but I guess it's a start. "Thank you for driving out this way, Alice."

"I'm going to the Smithsonian tomorrow. If you'd be agreeable to it, Lulu may accompany me so you are able to rest."

"I thought you had finals?"

"Not any longer."

"How much is it?"

Alice narrows her eyes. "The museum is free."

Like I even know what the fuck a Smithsonian is.

"You seem troubled."

"It's quite the opposite. Lulu has never shown interest in my well-being. Just kinda, fuck I don't know. It's nothing. Goodnight."

"Very well. Goodnight."

I sigh when Alice leaves the room. She's even more callous than Lulu. I look up when I hear Alice's heels against the floor. "Thought you were leaving?"

"My ticket allows another forty-six minutes of visitation before I must pay for another hour. Seems wrong to waste it."

I start to laugh.

"Do you need anything?"

"No. Unless you can convince Lulu I'm not the devil." My eyes sink.

"She doesn't believe that."

"Well, I wouldn't know. She hardly speaks to me unless it's to call me an idiot."

"Her anger is misplaced. She's created one good parent, and one bad one as a way to cope with the trauma of losing her mother."

"How can you possibly know that?"

"My mother died giving birth to Charline. I stayed angry at my father for many years."

When I bring my eyes up to her big blues, I can feel tears surfacing. What a fucking pussy. "Tell me it gets better?" I'm given a smile in return. Something as out of character for her as me being this vulnerable in front of someone.

"It will."

"She hates me."

"That is an inaccurate assumption. My father was trapped in a mining accident for days, then hospitalized once freed. I didn't make an attempt to be at his side like Lulu is at yours."

I run my hand in Lulu's hair.

"You have a very captivating smile. Goodnight, Negan."

"It hasn't been forty-six minutes yet."

Alice flushes before leaving the room.

"Captivating, huh? I still fucking got it," I boast with a grin.

"You're an idiot. She was just being cordial."

"Laugh it up, Lulu."

* * *

**A/N Charli is actually named after Charlie Adlard as tribute to him if anyone cares, lol.**


	3. Chapter 3

I don't expect them to be at the museum all goddamn day. This is the first time since Lucille died that I have time to myself. So what did I do with that time? Jerked it twice, and passed the fuck out. Okay, not really… but I slept so goddamn good that I don't even wake up until Lulu gets home. She has so many souvenirs that Alice is having to help carry them. I haven't been able to buy things like that for Lulu ever. Part of me was a little jealous that the person spoiling Lulu wasn't me, but that smile across her face makes me glad someone gave a shit enough to give her something I know I never can.

"Do you want to see my pet lobster, Alice?"

"Alright."

Lulu takes her small chair over to Crusty's tank before standing on it and pointing in the water. "This is Crusty."

"Crustacea. Clever."

Oh. That's how she came up with that name? I feel stupid…

"Yeah. We learned about crustaceans in class. I can't take him from the water or he'll die, so you have to look at him through the glass."

"As long as the gills are moist, they are able to sustain life outside of water by extracting oxygen from the air."

"Really?!"

"Yes. Your teacher is misinformed. Troubling..."

"Negan told me that." Lulu shoots me a glare.

"Alright, that's enough show and tell."

"Why would you deceive your own child?"

I've heard a lot of shit in my day, but this? "Excuse me? How many fucking kids have you raised? Oh, that's right. None. So mind your own goddamn business!"

"That somehow dictates a right to give misinformation?"

"It does when it comes to my fucking kid!"

"Regardless of age, I do not sugar coat situations to make life more palatable. I'm not Duncan Hines."

"No, you're a hoity toity bitch! And you don't sugar coat shit because that spoon is shoved so far up your ass to!"

"I see I've hit a nerve. Very well. Good night, Lulu."

I grit my teeth as my eyes follow Alice from the motel room.

"I hate you! Alice is my only friend and you ruined it with your big dumb mouth," Lulu cries, slamming the bathroom door in a fit.

"Well, what about Crusty? He's your friend."

"You're not funny! Go away," she shrills.

"Same shit, different day." I sigh heavily. "Fuck!" I open the front door and find Alice across the lot. "Wait," I call after her, managing to shut her car door before she gets inside. "We don't have to fucking like each other but, for Lulu's sake, please come back inside."

"I like you."

"You're a shitty fucking liar," I smirk.

"Deception is the entire reason we are in this predicament."

"No, we're in this fucking predicament because I can't raise my kid. Every decision I make is the fucking wrong one."

"Negan."

"Every day is worse than the one before it. I told Lucille that I'd take care of Lulu, but I can't even take care of myself! I'm a fucking forty year old man child!"

"Negan."

My eyes drop when I notice Alice's hand against my chest.

"I am sorry for the way I undermined you in front of Lulu."

She's apologizing?

"I raised Charline while my father spent weeks at the mines. Look what happened as a result? She's loud, abrasive, and rude."

"So she's me?" Alice starts to genuinely laugh which I don't know if anyone has ever seen that side of her before. "I really didn't know lobsters couldn't breathe if they weren't in the water."

"Don't beat yourself up too harshly. I'm a savant for useless knowledge."

I'd find her comment amusing if she wasn't still touching me. It's been a long fucking time since I've been open to the idea of another woman touching me. Not that I really had a choice. Still, I don't mind. In fact, it's... comforting. As we turn to go back inside, I'll take my apology in the form of staring at that heart shaped ass in that tight dress. Goddamn!

Alice goes in the bathroom to speak to Lulu. The two are in there for quite some time.

I should have fucking known she'd cleaned the goddamn bathtub while she was in there. This bathtub wasn't even this clean when I started paying rent here.

"Goodnight, Negan." Lulu hugs my leg briefly before going to her bed.

"What did you say to her?"

"Walk me to my vehicle and we will talk."

This might be the most chivalrous thing I've ever done, and I even get the door for her.

"Lulu says that the other children make her cry for not having a mother. She's seen as an outcast, and that's just one of the numerous things the children give her grief on. If you'd be agreeable to it, she's asked that I have lunch with her."

"You'd really do that for her? Aren't you busy and shit?"

"I sympathize with Lulu so I will make the time."

"Alright. I'll call the school and let them know to put you on the list. Thank you, Alice." I know it will mean a lot to Lulu, but it fucking means a lot to me, too. Christ, I'm desperate at this point.

"Goodnight, Negan."

"Yeah. I'll see you around." As I watch Alice fade into the distance, part of me wonders if this is a good idea. If Alice is trying to become a surgeon, what is Lulu going to do the day when Alice isn't as available as she is now? It's going to crush Lulu. Lulu has never bonded with anyone before. I used to think that kind of detachment was some sort of coping mechanism, but at what cost? She's become this outcast in school. Fuck, if I could afford it I'd put her in private school. I need to make a better effort to understand Lulu and these little tics of hers.

* * *

I find myself pretty excited to go home and see how Lulu's day went knowing Alice had lunch with her.

"Negan," Lulu beams, running over to me before I can even get in the door. "Guess what? Alice knows the ballet teacher and she said that I can be in the ballet class. The teacher will bring me home after school on the days we have practice. Please say yes!"

"Uh. Well, how much is this shit going to cost?"

"I think like two hundred dollars."

"That's a lot of money, Lulu."

"Well, please? It's only once a month."

"I gotta pay that shit every month?! Jesus fucking Christ!"

"Speaking of paying." Debbie stretches her arm out.

"Shit, sorry. I forgot you were here." I don't want to disappoint Lulu, but I really cannot afford this shit. "What if you just went one time?"

"That's not how it works. Never mind," Lulu pouts.

The phone rings which surprises me. I didn't even know the damn thing worked. "Yeah? What?" Fuck, did I pay rent this month?

"This is Alice Kennedy."

"Who?"

"Alice Kennedy."

"Oh, right. Alice."

"Alice," Lulu beams.

I put my hand out to quiet her.

"Do you have any qualms with Lulu being in ballet?"

"That's a lot of money."

"Money is not an issue. I already have a check made out to the instructor. However, I might have overstepped my boundaries and wanted to check with you first before I made the arrangements to have Lulu taken to and from class."

Wait, she's paying for it? "Alice, I don't feel right about this."

"Very well."

"Well, wait." I look down at Lulu.

She's so excited she can barely contain herself.

"I mean, yeah. It's fine."

"Yes," Lulu screams.

Ballet wasn't the only thing that Alice got Lulu into. Apparently, Alice was king dick back in school and had all kinds of pull with some of the other teachers. Who would have thought a mute fuck like her would have ever been popular? We used to shove kids like that in the locker. Make them do our homework. By the end of the school year, Lulu didn't have any issues with making friends with the other children. Her days of eating in the dark closet were over. My relationship with Lulu had also improved. I find myself looking forward to going home instead of wondering what further damage I can do to this child.

* * *

Most days I love my job. Today is not one of them as I try and figure out what in the holy fuckity this person did to this bike. I glance over my shoulder when a familiar scent catches my attention. Alice's dead pan expression almost makes me lose my shit.

"My vehicle is unresponsive."

"Sorry, we're a bike shop," I smirk, rising up to my full height.

"I see. Will you not assist me?"

"This some kind of role play?"

Alice points to her car with hazards flashing down the street.

I lose my cocky grin and just feel stupid now. Cars aren't really my thing, but even I know that something isn't adding up. These battery cables don't just come off. Someone disconnected them. That someone being Alice. The question is, why? It's kind of flattering, but all she has to do is grab my dick and I'm down. Then again, this is Alice I'm talking about. I decide to fuck with her though. "It's going to be a bit. Why don't you go sit by my toolbox? I need to finish this bike, and then I'll start on your car."

"Thank you, Negan."

I almost feel guilty for wasting her time. Is she really that awkward that she can't come talk to me? She has to pull this damsel in distress shit? "I really appreciate what you've done for Lulu."

"Your gratitude isn't required."

"Okay," I laugh.

Alice always gets this rather dopey ass dazed look on her face when I laugh, as if she's in some kind of catatonic state.

I don't remember a time a woman ever looked at me like this.

"Charli will be able to take Lulu back and forth for the next few days while I attend several classes."

"You trust her behind the wheel?"

"Perhaps I should arrange for a taxi."

"I'm just giving you a hard time. I'm sure it'll be fine."

"I'll arrange for a taxi."

My eyes narrow in confusion when I watch Alice pull this cloth fucking thing from her purse. She sets it down on the bench before sitting on it. "It ain't that dirty."

"It's unpleasant enough."

"I notice you did that the other night at dinner."

"Yes, I dislike certain fabrics against my skin. This acts as a barrier."

Oh, now I feel kinda bad for questioning it. One of those tic things. "Lulu's had this fucking blanket for years now. It doesn't even cover her up anymore, but she won't get rid of it and if I try to get her to use another blanket, she has a fucking meltdown and cries that the fabric hurts her skin."

"Yes. It's a sensory issue for us. Lots of things you find frustrating about Lulu are equally frustrating for us. Especially because it's not really understood. Though, my sensory issues are the least of my problems."

"Like?"

"I count, always. Footsteps I'm taking, possessions, people, objects. I count to count. I dislike being dirty. Repetitive noise bothers me. My bare feet touching the floor burns. I don't eat after certain times. If food is served on a plate, I dislike it when it's not separated. Things must be symmetrical or I would rather not look at them."

"That sounds exactly like Lulu. Have you ever had any collections?"

"Now or in my life?"

"So you had multiple collections?"

"Gears and bread ties are the main ones. I like small objects that are easily hidden." Alice shifts her eyes side to side before leaning over to me. "Sometimes, I go to the children's toy section and take the rubber tires off the miniature toy cars. It's extremely satisfying."

I drop my goddamn wrench on the ground. "What," I laugh. "That's the strangest thing I've ever heard.

She sighs. "I agree. To make matters worse, I'm a swindler."

"Yeah, well, I doubt there's a warrant out for your arrest for a few fucking tires."

Alice clicks open her small satchel purse, scooping something from it before showing it to me.

"Holy fuck, you're not kidding."

"This is just my haul from today."

"How many toy stores have you been to?"

"Several," she frowns, tucking them back inside. "I can't help the compulsion. If I don't remove the tires, it keeps me awake at night."

"Guess it's battery cables you'll be removing now, huh?" There's my look of oh shit I wanted from her.

"Why did you have me wait in the shop if it was an easy fix?"

"You fucking know why."

"Very well. I'll be going," she flushes

"That's it?" I move my hand so I trap her against the workbench. "I embarrassed you and you're going to leave?"

"Yes."

"Look, ever since Lucille passed, my life has been about Lulu. I'm a little rusty at this shit."

"I understand. It was foolish on my part."

"I think I can figure it out." I lean over and brace Alice's cheek, pressing my lips to hers.

Alice hauls off and slaps the living fuck out of me.

"Fuck!"

"Your hands are filthy!"

"Are you fucking kidding me with this shit right now?!"

"I don't do joking."

"Unbe-fucking-lievable," I snarl, grabbing the edge of my workbench and claiming her lips again. I'm not slapped this time so I can only assume it was because of my hands.

Alice shies away when Tim comes back into the garage.

"We're out of toilet paper," he announces, stealing some of his fast food napkins.

I roll my fucking eyes annoyed as a motherfucker and wait for him to go back into the office. "I close the shop on Wednesday nights."

"Are you implying that we'll be alone?"

"I'm implying that when I make you scream my name, no one can hear it."

"Very well. Goodnight."

This fucking woman...

* * *

**A/N This chapter is personal for me. Writing Alice has always been very cathartic for me, except this one I can go a little more in-depth in than I do in Stigmatic or Phlegmatic. Thank you for sticking around with this story!**


	4. Chapter 4

There are few times in my life I vividly remember being speechless. Lulu's birth. When I had my wisdom teeth pulled. And this moment right here. Alice is sitting on one of the benches outside Lulu's school waiting on me.

She briefly checks her hand phone, no doubt to confirm the time, before tucking it away in her purse.

I've seen her in a lot of those dresses, but never one like this. Never one that actually caused me to become immobile.

Alice tilts her head up some, her eyes softly closing as she enjoys the cool breeze.

I need to mellow fucking out because I'm pretty sure it's illegal for a grown ass man to sport this fat fucking chubby on school grounds. I adjust my pants before making my way over to her.

"Punctual. Very good." She gracefully takes her purse before rising to her feet.

This woman is so goddamn strange, but it drives me fucking mad.

"Shall we?"

Tonight is Lulu's ballet recital. Not just any one, either, like the fucking world series of ballet recitals. I actually feel a little underdressed once we get inside. Hopefully, I won't embarrass Lulu.

"Why are you fidgeting?"

"I'm uncomfortable as a motherfucker. Why is everyone so goddamn dressed up? It's never like this at her other ones."

"You are within dress code standards. Men don't usually frequent these kinds of events. They are merely curious about your presence."

She's right about that, because once we're inside I don't see another man in the crowd. Now I understand a little better about why the other children give Lulu shit for not having a mom. It makes me all the more grateful that Alice is here. There isn't a single shred of masculinity about this entire fucking thing, but I'll be goddamned if I don't cheer Lulu on as soon as the curtain moves back. Which, for the record, is a big fucking no in ballet. I feel like an idiot and slither back in my seat.

The other mothers shake their heads appalled.

"There's nothing wrong with being excited," Alice assures me.

I'm just fucking proud. Proud that Lulu has made this effort to put herself out there. My eyes light up as I watch Lulu's part. She's always been so goddamn clumsy, but she moves with complete precision. Fuck it, I don't give a goddamn and stick my fingers in my mouth to whistle. These stiff fucks need to lighten the shit up.

Lulu giggles and waves to me. Her instructor doesn't like that so Lulu returns to her stern manner. Or otherwise known as Alice.

Alice is in rare form tonight though. Maybe she found some type of nostalgic bliss through Lulu.

Whatever the reasoning, it's nice to see both girls demonstrate emotion. I move my hand over, cautiously setting it on Alice's leg. I can see her face out of my peripherals, but she stays a complete deadpan.

However, her small hand is set on top of mine.

Goddamn, I'm a smooth motherfucker.

...

While we wait for Lulu to change, I have a look around some of these glass cases with awards and pictures to pass the time.

_Alice Kennedy_

Wait, isn't that her last name? "Holy fucking fuck, this is the highest goddamn GPA I've ever fucking seen!" There's some plaque dedicated to her.

Alice folds her arms disgusted.

"Not high enough for you," I tease.

"It is .001 of a perfect score."

"Who gives a fuck? You should be proud as fuck, Alice."

"I'm not. May we change the subject?"

"Got any cheerleading pictures around here?" I raise my eyebrows up and down.

"Three cases down. Top left."

"No shit?" Let's take a look here- "You've gotta be fucking fucking me. Still that same scowl on your face. You know you're supposed to smile and shit, right?"

"Debatable."

"You're a goddamn mess, woman."

"Erroneous!"

"Not a mess as in your messy. Never fucking mind."

"Are these for me?" Lulu gasps, trying to reach for the flowers in my hand.

"Oh. Yeah. Here." I lower them down to her. Alice got them for Lulu. Said it was the cordial thing to do for a dancer after a recital like this. When she noticed I didn't have ones to give Lulu she decided it's best that I give these to her.

"Wow. I feel grown up. Thanks, Negan."

"I'm real fucking proud of you, Lulu."

"Does that mean I get to pick the restaurant?"

"Sure." So where do we fucking go? Llama-Rama. Llama-motherfucking-cocksucking-Rama. Out of all the fucking places we could have gone to I've never seen such a fuckshow in all my life.

Some kid runs up to me, using the back of his hand to wipe green snot to the side. "Hey, Mr., you got any tokens?"

Lulu clings to my leg. "It's too noisy! I don't like it here!"

"Let's get the fuck out of here before we catch some type of incurable disease."

Alice already has her hand sanitizer out and coats a generous amount on Lulu's hands, then mine, before she starts her own. "What an abhorrent establishment. It should be condemned."

I'll agree with the anal fuck on that one.

Lulu suggests we take food back to our place.

It's rather awkward because I don't even have a table, but we make it work. "No, you don't feed lobsters noodles."

"Alright," she sighs, yanking the pasta from the water. "I'm going to take my bath. Thank you for coming to my recital, Alice." Lulu gives her a hug before disappearing.

"I should also depart for the evening. Unless you'll be returning your hand to my thigh."

I choke on absolutely nothing. "Get the fuck out of here."

"Very well."

I take hold of her wrist and pull her against me. "Not literally, you enigmatic fuck." I guess the only way to shut her mouth is by putting my tongue in it. She's hoisted up as my fingers curl over the curve of her ass. "Wall or chair?"

"This position is agreeable."

"Good fucking answer."

"I already know this."

"You arrogant fuck. Just for that, I think I'll drag this out a bit." I take this woman to the bed. "My hands are real fucking clean," I grin, moving my fingers up her thigh. I sink my teeth into the crook of her neck, brushing my thumb against the soft fabric between her legs.

"Negan, I need my ear plugs," Lulu shouts.

"Just keep," I kiss down Alice's neck, "your head above water." I moan against Alice's soft skin as her fingers trail my arousal.

"I'm waiting!"

"Lulu, I'm busy!" I press my lips to Alice's, tugging on my belt.

"There's no shampoo, either!"

I sigh into Alice's cleavage. "Alright," I pout, pushing myself from the bed dramatically. It's fucking dumb to try to even start anything with Alice. What do I really expect, anyhow? My kid's in the fucking other room for Christ's sake. I fix my belt and my hair before going into the bathroom. "Here. I'll set them on the counter top."

"Is it my medicated shampoo?"

"Yes, Lulu." Lulu is fucking paranoid she's going to get lice and filth from the other children. I buy her that cheap shit, then funnel it into another bottle. I'm sure whatever slime used to be in that bathtub was worse. I don't know why she needs earplugs if she's taking a shower, but I just learned not to question shit anymore. Alice has her purse in her hand once I return to the room.

"I suppose I really should be going this time."

"Sorry."

"Is everything on schedule for my appointment Wednesday?"

"Yeah… last spot that day."

"Very well. Enjoy your evening."

The little stoic fuck…

* * *

The best part about the days that Charli brings Lulu home is that I don't have to pay for a baby sitter. However, she doesn't share the same mannerisms as her sister. I grunt displeased at a half-eaten candy bar squashed into my floor.

"Sorry, ball-bag." Charli pulls it from the carpet and blows on it before shoving it in her mouth. "Well, little Lu, I'm outtie."

"Bye, Charline."

I almost fucking laugh because Lulu would call her that. "Go take your bath," I tell Lulu. I wonder if Alice said anything to Charli on how I'm going to fuck her brains out? "How is Alice?"

Charli narrows her eyes. "How is she? Oh, god, please don't tell me you wormed your way into my sister's pants."

"Your sister doesn't wear pants," I smirk.

"Gross."

"Gross? Didn't you try and worm your way into my pants?"

"Eh, I'm over you. Anyway, look, Alice has a lot of potential."

"The fuck does that mean?"

"It means you come with a lot of baggage. She's worked really hard to give it all up."

"I ain't looking for a mother for Lulu, and I sure as fuck ain't looking for a wife."

"Good. Well, now that we understand each other, see you around."

I fold my arms with a scowl on my face long after Charli has left. The fuck is so bad about me? I mean, Charli acts like I'm going to ruin everything Alice has worked for. I can't believe I'm letting some punk teenage get under my skin like this. Grow a fucking backbone. I'm in a complete shit fuck mood by the time Lulu emerges from the bathroom.

Lulu feeds Crusty with a giggle before she's at my feet. "I made this for you." Lulu gives me a magnet. "It's a magnet."

"I see that."

"You stick it on a metal surface."

"Yeah, that's how they work," I laugh. When I flip it over, it's a picture that's been adhered to the magnet. Half of it is Lulu in her ballet outfit, the other is, "Lulu, where did you get this picture?!"

"Alice got it from my teacher. Do you not like it?"

I rub my finger over Lucille's picture as my eyes well up. Lulu's ballet teacher was also Lucille's when she was Lulu's age. Everything just fucking hits me out of nowhere. When Lucille died, I turned off all my emotions. I've never truly mourned my wife. My daughter holds me by the head as I sob against her tiny shoulder. I absolutely hate that Lulu didn't know Lucille the way that I did. Didn't know how kind of a person she was. Didn't know how just the sound of her voice would give the greatest comfort. Didn't know her scent. Didn't know her hugs. Didn't. Know. Her... I try to juggle both parents, yet I fucking fail more and more every day. She needs her mother. Why couldn't the cancer take me instead? I'm fucking everything up.

"Don't cry, Negan," she begs, wiping my tears.

"Why do you call me Negan? Can't I hear you say dad once?"

She shakes her head no.

"But why?"

"Because mom is gone so if I pretend you're not my father you'll live forever."

She's so goddamn strong. Just like Lucille. Even in Lucille's last days, I was the one crying why Lucille was the one trying to cheer me up. Trying to make me laugh.

_Lulu's got your eyes._

_Well, she's got your lungs._

"I'm sorry if I frightened you by crying."

"I'm sorry that I made you sad."

"You didn't. I just… miss your mother very much."

"Goodnight. I love you, Negan."

They're words from her that she's never said back to me before. Words that make me not want to leave her side. So my big ass squeezes in this tiny bed as I hold her close. "I love you very much." It's clear I can't get involved with Alice. It's for the best like Charli said. Things would just be too complicated, and Alice has already put years into school. My life is about Lulu, and I can't muddle that with adding Alice into things. She'll always be a part of Lulu's life, she just can't be in mine. It wouldn't be fair to Alice.

* * *

When I hear the shop door open, I sigh and hang my head. "Alice, I've been doing some thinking. I want you to hear me out." I turn around to an exhaust pipe struck right across my temple. I've never hit the ground that fast before. "Fuck," I sneer, holding the side of my split open head as I fade in and out of consciousness.

"Where's Tony," a man shouts at me in a heavy accent, dropping the exhaust pipe to the floor.

I'm so goddamn disoriented I have to take a second to remember that Tony is my boss. The shop is his.

Several men surround me. I know they're going to kill me, and I just hope that Alice is nowhere near the shop. That she had the good sense to stay the fuck away from me. Blood floods my left eye as I shut it to keep from burning, although that's the least of my concerns. The man who hit me with the exhaust pipe presses the tip of a gun under my chin.

"My name is Dechenko. I want my money, or I'll start with you and end with your daughter. Where is Tony?"


	5. Chapter 5

Waking up in your own blood is humbling. Though after what I did to a few of Dechenko's men, I don't know how I'm awake at all. When I hear something scuff across the shop floor, I think his men have come back.

"I thought you had perished after what they did to you," Alice softly sobs.

I use all my strength to sweep her tears away, although I get her cheek bloody in the process. Watching her become vulnerable before me is something I don't think anyone has ever seen. I'm not deserving of her tears.

She touches her fingers to my hand.

I might be alive, but I don't know for how much longer. Like my body knows I need to get Lulu to safety before I finally give. "Alice." I choke when I gasp for a breath. "Lulu. You have to-"

"I overheard what the reprobate said. Charline has Lulu, and has taken her to a place where she will be safe."

I'd let out a sigh of relief if I could manage it.

Alice hovers trembling hands over my chest. "You require medical attention."

"No," I grunt. "Just get me home."

She's exhausted trying to help me to her car, and even more so helping me to my front door. My motel room is a fucking wreck. Dechenko's men have ravished it. Everything is broken, or turned over. The worst part? Crusty's tank is shattered and he's laying upside down on the floor squirming.

Alice swiftly scoops him up, overturning my mattress back on the box spring. She's quick to assess the situation and save Crusty's life. I know she's saved mine, and most importantly Lulu's.

I ease down on the mattress as pain radiates in every part of my body.

"Slow," Alice tells me, helping me down against the bedding.

I'm out as soon as I hit the mattress. It's not until two days later that I open my heavy eyes. "Lulu," I gasp with a groan.

Fingers run down my cheek. A comforting feeling I haven't felt since, "Lucille?" My eyes adjust to the morning sun as it outlines Alice. I push the sleep from my eyes and apologize.

"Drink," her tranquil voice instructs.

"What's going on?"

Alice helps me take small sips from the glass. "You've been out for forty-seven hours. I spoke to Charline a few minutes ago. Lulu is doing well. Charline took her to the beach today. They are going to the zoo later this week."

My eyes flood and I can't find the words to express my gratitude. These feelings I longed for with Lucille I've found with Alice. There is no question in my mind that Lulu would be taken from me if not for Alice. Crusty would be dinner, and I'd be dead. I pull Alice close to me, tucking my face away in the crook of her neck. "Thank you."

Alice seems uncomfortable by my sudden embrace and pulls away from me. "I prepared you something to eat."

My eyes follow her into my kitchen. I feel better today. Not every breath I take is agonizing. "What did you tell Lulu to get her to go with Charli?"

"I used your deception technique."

"Oh," I grin, "how did those words taste?"

"Unpleasant." She lowers the potato soup for me to take, then inches my lip upward.

"What are you doing?"

"Checking."

"For?"

"To make sure all your teeth are still intact."

"Get the fuck out of here with that shit," I laugh, then regret it.

"Very well. While you eat, I need to groom." She sets a small bag at the foot of the bed.

"You carry a bag on you?"

"FEMA recommends at least 72 hours' worth of supplies."

"FEMA recommends six inch heels?"

"I'm certain you have a concussion if you think I'm going anywhere without an extra pair of heels."

This woman. My motel room looks brand new. She's opened up the windows to air this dank place out. Crusty also has a new tank and seems to be doing well. Thank Christ, because I don't know if I could handle that talk. This woman is incredible. My stomach growls, reminding me of my soup. I usually can put some food away, but I barely finish this bowl. Too bad because it's damn good.

...

I give Alice a breathed laugh. She changed my sheets while I was in the restroom.

"Let me examine your bandages so your wounds do not get infected."

"This is not the doctor and patient fantasy I had in mind with you," I groan.

Alice flushes before her eyes shy away from mine. "I should start some laundry."

I frown at her awkwardness. Since when is she reserve at my advances? Is there something I don't know? Am I dying? The fuck is going on!

* * *

After a week, I'm finally able to get around on my own. The swelling in my face has gone down so I won't scare Lulu. However, the more time that passes, the more distant Alice gets from me. It doesn't make what I'm about to ask her easy. "Alice, I need to try and get this Dechenko fuck his money or else I know Lulu will never be safe. I know it's a lot to ask but if something happens to me she won't have anyone." I expected maybe a very well from her at the least, but she said nothing. "Alice?"

Her eyes slowly shift to mine. All I get in return is some impassive stare.

"What is it?" The longer she remains silent, the more my stomach turns until the most unsettling words leave her lips.

"There's something I need to tell you."

Fuck.

"I was accepted into Cedars-Sinai Medical for my residency."

"So we won't see you as much?"

"Negan, it's almost three thousand miles away."

I hang my head. "…or at all."

"I only have a few days left until I need to leave."

That's why she's been so distant. I don't even have time to process what Alice has told me before the front door flings open.

Lulu comes skipping in, dropping all kinds of stuffed animals and shit everywhere. Her face is painted and she's wearing these butterfly wings. "Negan, it was the funnest week ever with Charline. We did everything!" She hands me her ice cream cone that's dripping down the side. "You can have some." Lulu gives Alice a hug before she hurries over to Crusty. "Crusty, guess what," she starts.

"Everything alright now," Charli asks.

"Thank you for clearing your schedule," Alice tells her.

"Yeah, because I was so busy." Charli rolls her eyes. "Later, ball-bag," she snickers at me.

"Bye, loser." I still want to talk with Alice, and tell Lulu to go take her bath. "When did you find out about this residency shit?"

"The day of my appointment with you."

Seems like we both had something to talk about. Here it was to tell her I knew I couldn't take things farther with her, and now I'd give anything for that second chance to. My fingers coil around hers. "Will you stay with me tonight?"

"It's not a good idea."

My grip becomes a little tighter. "Then stay for Lulu."

"Please don't make this more difficult than it is."

"I'm not trying to make this shit difficult, but you're just fucking leaving us!" I move her back to the bed when she starts to get up. "Alice, I know that you didn't ask for us to show up into your life. I just want you to know that you're important and shit. The last thing I want you to do is sacrifice something that you'll end up regretting later on down the road. Guess I'm just kinda… well, it fucking sucks." I lean over and press my lips to her temple. "Thank you. For everything."

Alice agrees to stay the night. She helps me put Lulu to bed, then the two of us sit down to get something to eat.

As much as I want to take her in the shower and fuck her until the water goes cold, I know **that** would complicate things. I think it's the most I've ever said to another human being before. I know that her leaving doesn't mean goodbye, but let's be fucking real. Once she's out there, is she really going to come back to this dump? She has no attachments out here other than Charli, which Charli is also going with her to California. As the sun comes up, I find the words a little more difficult to come by.

Lulu rubs her eyes, then climbs up onto the couch before drifting off back to sleep against Alice.

It's the perfect time for me to leave and take care of this business with Dechenko. I kiss Lulu on the top of her head. As I sit up, Alice catches my lips. It's aggressive and my teeth clink against hers. I pull away and shake my head. "I need to go." Fuck, okay, maybe I'll go in just a second and reclaim her lips.

...

Tony is nowhere to be fucking found, and his house is completely vacant. I pray that the shop has money in the safe, but when I open it he's cleaned that out too. "Fuck!" There's about twenty-two hundred in the register. The only thing I can think of is putting my bike up for sale and hope it's enough money for this Dechenko fuck. I take what's in the cash register and start for the shop to lock it up. Oh, shit.

Dechenko and his men have let themselves in. "Tony seems to have left town."

"Look, I'm just some mechanic he pays. You can have my bike, what's in the register, and the shop to pay for his debt but you leave my daughter alone."

"Are you threatening me?"

"You're goddamn fucking right I am. If you think that what I did to your men before pissed you off, you just motherfucking wait. You have **no** idea who you are threatening." I will die to protect Lulu, but I will not make it easy for these cocksuckers.

Dechenko checks the chamber of his revolver before closing it.

"Wait," Tony shouts, stepping into the shop. "I'm here. I've got your money."

I might kill Tony before Dechenko can.

Dechenko doesn't even get the money before he puts a bullet in Tony.

My eyes widen as pieces of skull and brain go everywhere. I can pretend to be this bad motherfucker, but seeing something like this I almost piss my pants. When Dechenko turns to me, I stiffen to my full height. The only intimidation I have.

"We're even."

I blink in disbelief. "We're even?! You threaten my daughter, smash up my motel room, and almost put me on life support? No, cocksucker, we ain't even."

Dechenko leans over and picks up several bills off the floor. Some still dripping with Tony's blood. "Five thousand for your trouble, and I don't kill your family." Dechenko sets it on my work bench before slapping me against the arm. "Good. We understand." Dechenko speaks his language to his men as they are quick to remove the body from the shop.

I thumb through the blood money after they've left before pocketing it. Fuck it, and I'm taking the money in the register, too. Right now I just want to get as far as I can from this murder scene.

...

Before I step inside my motel room, I drag my palm across the dirty window so I can see inside.

Alice is brushing Lulu's hair after her bath.

Lulu is talking up a storm, using her hands to illustrate the conversation.

Part of me just wants to get on my bike and ride. Lulu would be so much better off without me in her life. The more I watch the two of them together, the harder it becomes to go inside. I'll always be grateful for everything Alice did. She saved my relationship with Lulu. Gave Lulu this extraordinary life. Now I'm just supposed to let her go? I know that I originally thought I couldn't let Alice into my life but, watching these two, I've never been more wrong about anything. Lulu is going to be devastated when I tell her that Alice is leaving. Truthfully, I am pretty fucking distraught about it, too.

* * *

Lulu doesn't speak much now that Alice is gone. In fact, I had to force her to go to ballet the other day. "I'm sorry, but this has nothing to do with you, alright?"

"Why can't we be with Alice?"

"Our life is here."

"I don't want this life! I want to go to California with her!"

"I know it's hard to understand."

"It's not hard!" She slams the bathroom door behind her.

* * *

There are times Lulu waits by the phone for an hour or two. When Alice calls, Lulu begs the whole time for her to come back.

It fucking kills me. Especially when Lulu would ask if it was something she did wrong. The first recital Alice isn't there, Lulu tripped during her solo. I fucking forget those goddamn flowers. I'm back to fucking everything up again. I fear more than ever that Lulu and I might go back to barely speaking again. We have made so much progress for it to recede. There are times I really do consider packing our shit and going to California, but that would be the epitome of selfish. Alice was doing fine before we invaded her life, and I'm not going to disrupt it any more than we have. I have a seat on my bed with a tired sigh. I'm so fucking lost. Can't I please get some fucking sign that for once I'm doing something right?

"Father?"

My eyes shoot up at Lulu standing in front of me. "Did you just call me…" Add this to my times I've been completely speechless. Something I have waited eight long years for. As Lulu's eyes well up, so do mine. I didn't think she was capable of crying.

Then the flood gates open. "I miss Alice," she sobs into my arms.

I hold her tighter. "I know. I do, too."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Well, here it is. The final chapter. Thank you to everyone who has left me a review, gave me a kudo, and bookmarked/subscribed. It really means a lot to me.**

* * *

I am burnt the fuck out. All the responsibilities of the shop fell on me after Tony was murdered. I don't just close the shop on Wednesday night, I close it every night. Two mechanics quit this week alone when I yelled at them because I don't have time for fuckery. Bunch of pussies. I have to try to run this fuckshow, and then go home and pretend every decision I make doesn't ruin Lulu's life even more.

"I'm here about the interview," my new mechanic says.

I lean back in my chair and point to the one in front of my desk.

He grovels and attempts to flatter me.

Christ, I wish everything was this goddamn easy. Like, say a bunch of women ready to bend their asses over for me when I get home.

"I'd be willing to work weekends. Whatever you need."

I grimace at how pathetic this fuck is, tossing my pen up on the desk. "You can start on the fifth. What was your name again?"

"Dwight."

If I had any sense, I'd have him start tonight and help me finish this bike for a big client. There's oil leaking all out of this fucking exhaust when the fuck tried to replace the piston rings but put on the wrong goddamn size. I'm making a mess because of it. "Fuck." A shop towel is placed on my shoulder. I close my eyes as my head bows.

"Do you still have evening appointments on Wednesday?"

"No." I stand up, using the rag to clean some of the oil from my hands.

"This is not the mechanic and customer fantasy I had in mind."

"Yeah, well, we fucking tried that. Or, what I should say is, I tried that and you fucking walked out on me. I have work to do."

"Negan, I-"

"No, you don't get it! You show up with your fucking high heels and tits all fucking perky and shit and expect to just pick up where we left off? Like we haven't lost six months?! Months, Alice," I shout.

She takes a frightened step back.

"Don't think you're going to walk back into Lulu's life all to walk right back out of it. Stay the fuck away from my daughter."

"Is this what you want?"

"Customers aren't allowed in the garage." I squat back down to start working on the bike again. When the door shuts, I lower my face into the crook of my elbow and sigh. I want that woman more than anything, but I'm not going to allow myself to get attached to her so I can watch her turn right back around again. Fuck that. I won't put myself in that position ever again, and most importantly Lulu. Shit, it's almost eight, and I'm still not even close to being finished. Did I make the wrong choice with Alice? I've had so many sleepless nights waiting for some chance like this, but I dismiss her the second I see her? Lulu would be even more upset with me knowing I sent Alice away without the chance to see her. Even if it was only for a second.

The shop door practically comes off the hinges. "You got a lot of fuckin' nerve, ball-bag," Charli screams at me. "Do you know the opportunity that Alice turned down, all so she could come back to this country bumpkin town and live happily ever fuckin' after with you? I mean, Cali-fuckin'-fornia, with like hot dudes sweating on us. You don't deserve her. She's thrown away everything to be with you, and now you won't even talk to her?"

"Charline, you return to my vehicle right this instant," Alice scolds.

"No, fuck this backward ass fuck! What, bitch, you wanna go? I'm right fuckin' here," Charli threatens me.

"Charline Kennedy! Vehicle. Now."

"Alice, wait," I beg. "Just wait a fucking minute. "Why didn't you tell me you quit school?"

"I figured that showing up unannounced on a Wednesday night would imply that part."

"I'm not a goddamn mind reader. Charli, give us some privacy."

"Charline, I'll phone you when I leave here."

"Nah," she refuses Alice's keys. "I'll take a cab and get a hotel room for us." Charli uses her index and middle finger to point at both of her eyes before she walks out of the shop.

"It wasn't my intention to cause grief for you and Lulu. The opportunity I was given was something I worked towards my entire life. Please don't falter me for that decision."

"That is the worst fucking apology I've ever goddamn heard." I'm slapped when I try to kiss her.

"Your hands are filthy, and I wasn't apologizing."

"You arrogant fuck."

"You insolent lout!"

I fiercely press my lips to hers before I gotta hear any more bullshit come from it. Oh, and for the record? My hands are fucking filthy. All over this nice white lace dress. I give her a sharp smack to her ass before hoisting her up by it.

She hits the metal door hard.

I grunt in discomfort when the wood from her heel digs into my hip. There's some tools on my work bench that are shoved to the floor before I practically drop her on it. "Give me those goddamn things!"

"That's a Louboutin heel you're heaving about!"

"Woman, I don't give a good goddamn what fuck's name is on your shoes. Now do you want me to fuck you or pick up the shoes?"

"Retrieve them, now."

Yeah, okay, so I fucking picked them up. But only because my dick had never been harder listening to her order me around like I was some pathetic fuck. And maybe it's also because when I fuck her, that's all I want her to be wearing. After I slip on the second heel, I hold her by the ankle and yank her ass to the edge of the work bench. I silence her yelp with another aggressive kiss. I'm exhausted, sweaty, and dirty, but Ms. wash your hands didn't seem to mind all the greasy hand prints on her dress in spots that are a reminder she is mine.

She gets frustrated with my work shirt buttons and braces both sides of the shirt before prying it open. Two buttons pop off never to be seen again. "Your deltoids are inconceivable."

"The fuck is a deltoid?" I grit my teeth as her fingernails did into my skin. So it's the rounded muscles on my shoulders and upper arms. "Think you could compliment me like a normal fuck?"

"Your muscular physique is making me want to take **every** inch of you."

I choke on absolutely nothing. You've got to be fucking fucking me. I think I just came. Her sultry emphasis on the word every, and the way her fingers trail the v leading into my pants. "Like those? They're my cock muscles," I grin.

"You're insufferable."

"What-the-fuck-ever, you're eye fucking me as we speak."

"There wouldn't be a need for that if you'd get on with it."

"Wh... I... fuck," I snarl, shaking my shirt to the floor before she tries to fold the goddamn thing. Her fingers hesitantly start for my belt, but I don't have the patience for this fuckery. I tug the fabric between her legs over just enough. Okay, so I lied about her only being in heels, but I can't take another second and bury myself all the way to the hilt.

She braces the back of the work bench with a loud moan.

"You wanted **every** inch, woman." I hope Ms. FEMA has another dress because I'm done staring at my filthy hand prints on this thing and rip this motherfucker down the middle.

"Negan!"

I silence her complaining with a deep thrust bringing the bench up off the front legs.

Her small fingers latch around my throat.

Fuck yes. I motherfucking love a little asphyxiation and snicker at her trying to assert some kind of dominance over me. "Lose that bra, or it's going next."

"You wouldn't dare."

I lean over, touching my lips to her ear. "Fucking try me," I growl. When her sharp heel digs back into my hip, I drop my head against her shoulder in submission with a painful whimper. "Alright," I whine. My eyebrow inches up in anticipation until the fabric is completely gone and set beside her. I don't want to seem like such a weak fuck, but those titties… goddamn!

She furthers my suffering by running her fingers down the curves of her skin and back up the middle of her chest.

I move her wrists, pinning them to the wall above her head.

Alice arches backwards with a moan as my tongue trails up the places her fingers were.

Moans are nice, but I want my name and I'm going to get it. I slowly ease into her, feeling every bit of her warmth around me. Tools and motorcycle parts litter the floor every time the work bench moves with each one of my aggressive thrusts. When I let go of her hands, they find their way around my neck briefly before they slide out of place from the grease and sweat.

She lets out a frustrated groan, then brings her lips to mine. This woman is always in control, but right now it's driving her insane to be under me knowing I have complete power over her.

I drop to my knees, bringing her right to the edge.

"No!"

"Tough clit," I grin, moving her legs apart.

"I said-"

I lick up her smooth slit and back down again. "What was that," I simper.

"Cease communication," she moans, moving my head back.

I really don't mind those heels digging into my shoulders now. The best part is watching all her little facial spasms as I make this woman come undone.

Her grip around my hair tightens and my name leaves those lips.

"I fucking told you you'd scream my name," I growl, getting to my feet and filling her in one swift motion. Make that twice. She's not so fucking arrogant now. I wipe my chin off with the crook of my elbow.

Her eyes widen at her arousal on my skin.

I'd offer her a taste, but I'll only get slapped. When I feel the sting of her hand across my face, I smirk. Well fucking worth it. I pull in a lung full of air and hold it. She, on the other hand, fights for a breath, and I know the little stoic fuck is close. Fuck, she feels so good. My breath is getting hard to keep in as are her whimpers until I feel her tighten around me and her nails sink into my arms. "Shit, fuck," I exhale, releasing inside her. My eyes roll back in my fucking head as I slow my hips. "Fuck, Alice," I moan heavily. My arms have all kinds of scratches up them, some even bleeding. She and I are going to get along just fine fucking fine.

Alice is quick to slide from the work bench.

I brace the edge of it, catching my breath. Shit. I can't wait to fuck that woman in the shower until the water goes cold.

"Retrieve my bag with my extra clothing from my vehicle."

"A fucking please would be nice."

Alice stares blankly at me before going into the shop restroom.

I laugh all the way to her car.

She cleaned up better than I ever could in that filthy excuse for a restroom. Unless she cleaned it, too, while she was at it.

Which I'll just assume that. It's kinda nice to blow my load and not have all that cuddling fuckery that follows it. Alice might be goddamn near perfect. "So..." I saunter over to her, handing her the bag. "What'd you think?"

Alice doesn't respond until she's fully dressed. "It was good."

I let out a defeated breath. "Good?! You're a the-fucking-saurus and all you have to say is that it was good?" I narrow my eyes to slits. "Are you fucking with me?"

"You'll never know."

"Alice," I whine.

"I'm ready to leave."

"Fine," I pout.

...

I press my hand to the door frame of my motel room to stop Alice. "Look, it's going to suck, but if you want to go back to California, we can make this work."

"Oh? Now that you've had your greasy hands on my dress you're done with me?"

"Alice, I'm serious. I never meant for you to give up everything. I just don't want you to wake up a year from now and resent me for it."

"This is what I want."

"Well… are you sure?"

"Yes. I know this because I'm smarter than you."

I bellow out a laugh. "You arrogant fuck. You just remember what you signed up for when it's a midnight run to the store for medicated shampoo."

"That could be prevented if you'd plan ahead."

"Come to think of it, maybe it's not too late for you to go back."

"Alice," Lulu shrills, shoving me out of the way. She notices Alice's bags that I'm carrying before her eyes spill with tears. "We're going to be together?!"

"Yes," Alice answers, running her hand through Lulu's hair.

"Forever?"

I know Alice wants to give out one of her long drawn out explanations but her lips settle in a smile.

"Yes," Lulu shouts.

* * *

I call in that morning for the first time ever. "I don't know. Deal with it." Goddamn it feels good to be king dick. The three of us spend the next few days together. Charli apologizes for threatening me, but I think it's only because she wants to use Alice's car to see some friends upstate. Everything finally makes sense again. If Alice hadn't left, I wonder if Lulu would have found the strength to call me dad?

"Father, I want to lay with you and Alice tonight."

Oh, right. Father. Whatever, I'll take it.

Lulu moves up between us as Alice gives me a look of relief because Lulu has always called me Negan around her. "Alice, I want to tell you something."

"Very well."

Lulu shies away and cups my ear as she whispers something into it.

"Yeah, I think it will be okay," I smile down at her.

Lulu still seems hesitant. "Will you tell her?"

"Uh…"

"It's not so easy, is it?"

I clear my throat and move my eyes to Alice. "Um. Lulu wants me to tell you, that she wants you to know," I rub the back of my neck. "She, uh, loves you and shit."

"That's not how I said it, Negan!"

"Watch how you fucking talk to me!"

Alice gives Lulu a kiss on the head as she stares back at me. "I love you, as well."

"You do," I blurt out in disbelief.

"Hey," Lulu pouts at me. "You say that like you're surprised."

"Oh," Alice deters the conversation, getting her purse from the nightstand. "I have something for you." She fastens the small bracelet around Lulu's wrist. "It was my mother's."

"Wow," Lulu gasps.

Thank you, I mouth. Fuck me, I'm in way over my head. Two against one. But I guess I wouldn't have it any other motherfucking way.

...

I wake up to someone pounding on my door.

"Help me," the disembodied voice cries.

The hell? I stumble from bed, looking out the peephole. There's no one fucking there. These drunk fucks. I was in a really deep sleep, too. As I'm taking a piss, it sounds like thunder in the distance. Must have been what that person was screaming about. Lulu left the goddamn TV on again.

_-request of the Federal Emergency Management Agency. At 1:23 AM eastern standard time, an unknown viru-_

I think I can handle some fucking lightning. When I get to the edge of the bed, I watch my girls asleep for a few seconds before the red glow of the motel sign out in front of my window turns off and everything goes dark. Goddamn, I've been praying for that sign to go out for years now.

"Negan," Alice calls groggy.

"Go back to sleep," I smirk, curling up behind her. "Everything is fine…"

* * *

**A/N I'd eventually love to do a second story. I guess that depends if there's a demand for one, so let me know. Also, if you liked Negan x Alice, and Charli's character you can check out my stories Stigmatic and Phlegmatic which they're both in. And, yes, Alice orders Negan around in that, too. Thank you for the support everyone! -217**


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